My Way!

Will the real 3rd Umpire please stand up?

sudhirsyal — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 14:59:14 +0000

Now that’s a job I would want to apply for. The Venerable 3rd Umpire. The only person I know who has an easier job than his, is the bloke sitting next to him; yup the 4th Umpire.

Watch cricket all day, get the best seats in the house. Have some great food. And yes, you’re called into action once in 2 days to check if a certain bat has passed a certain line. Oh, you’re also called in from time to time to check if the Umpire has counted right. Does this sounds like a job profile for a fully grown man – a job profile which pays as much as Rs.1 lakh for 5 days of work (putting your feet up)

But I digress, this post isn’t really about how being a 3rd Umpire is the best job in the world. Nor is it about that blighter who sits next to him, its about all this controversy around UDRS and how perhaps this 3rd Umpire (the Venerable bloke) can actually make all the difference.

I think it makes sense to centre every argument around data. In the World Cup this year, on an average a total of 25 percent of decisions referred were changed after empowering the 3rd umpire with technology. A total of over 50 decisions were over-turned – some crucial ones like Tendulkar’s which could have potentially changed the result of the tournament in itself. Refer to this for a datapoint – still looking at data for the whole World Cup but I’m projecting the data since I remember that if anything, use of UDRS and successful overturning of decisions only increased.

Was it a success? Of course it was a success. The ICC got 50 decisions more right than it would have otherwise, that’s exactly 1 decision per match (49 matches in the World cup). And that’s not important enough? One potentially game-changing decision every match – ofcourse its important. Regardless of cost, gender, breed, financial pawar (pun intended) and everything else.

And when I say DRS, it needs to be everything – Hawkeye + Hotspot + Snicko + Super slomo. If all of these can’t be made availble – it needs to be Hawkeye + Snicko/ Hotspot +Super Slomo or whatever slomo is available. This is more than sufficient – hawkeye though is key. Which in my view is extremely accurate – people must realize it only predicts the ball path on the basis of a projection of the existing ball path. If this technology doesn’t work for cricket balls bowled at 140 Kmph than how come the defense continues to use this for missiles launched at over a 1000 Kmph? You can read this for more information on how Hawkeye really works.

I understand that the ICC doesn’t want to take this cost, and its extremely expensive. I also understand that there could be a situation where the full DRS might not be used in every location. Hell, its still way better than what’s going on right now isn’t it? I think DRS can learn from the start-up world for this. If a mobile app company for whatever reason can’t provide the same experience on every handset, it doesn’t mean it shuts down the app itself. It ensures that the app is so tweaked that whichever phone a user accesses it on, desired value is delivered to the user. So half UDRS, Quarter – whatever it is, let’s go with it. It’s still better than what we have. And that’s all that really matters.

Whichever way you slice it, any of the 4 UDRS technologoies when used by the 3rd umpire will only aid his decision making. In terms of big inside edges, big nicks – in most cases he doesn’t even need any of the tools; all he needs to do is watch it on the tele once again. Most of the big boo boo’s are made for inside edges and with DRS this can automatically be eliminated.

Instead, what we have is perplexing situations where everyone except the 1 umpire who gave the decision knows that its the wrong one and nothing can be done about it. It’s like watching a man drive his car off the cliff owning all the required tools to warn him and bring him back onto the road if he slips into the abyss, but doing absolutely nothing about it. That poor man is the Umpire. Just ask Umpire Erasmus if you don’t believe me.

The other big debate is on how it should be used if it is infact used. Currently, the onus is on the players to invoke it and take the Umpire on when he so feels. My personal view is different, in my view ideally the umpires should step in and do their job. After all, that’s what they’re paid to do right?

The person who really needs to step up to the plate is the 3rd Umpire. He should be given all the tools to review decisions and serve as a real-time audit of the performance of the 2 umpires regardless of whether they refer decisions to him or not. He is given full power to intervene if a wrong decision is made – all he needs to do is radio the umpire and say ‘Hey mate! You got that one wrong’

After the decision has been made – all he needs to do first is call the umpire and say hang on, “I want to check that, give me 2 mins.” He then comes back with his decision while the players wait just like they would otherwise.

If there is no need for it – no radio and life goes on.

This ensures the following:

1. Cricketers stop playing the role of enforcers when it comes to decisions and instead concentrate on the cricket
2. The 3rd umpire starts earning his fees. He’s had a free ride for far too long anyway.
3. He becomes the powerful virtual umpire / auditor and his role becomes as important as that of the 2 on-field umpires. And why not, all 3rd umpires are ICC empanelled anyway.
4. Yes, sometimes hawkeye gives far too many people out not because the technology is flawed but since it doesn’t factor in the historical benefit of doubt to batsman given over the years. Therefore, putting a human element there will ensure that technology is not followed blindly. Historical allegiances will still be respected.
5. One might argue that a player might not be sure whether the 3rd umpire is intervening or no. The truth is that whenever there is a dodgy discussion he is going to hang on anyway. The 3rd umpire needs to be swift and agile
6. Another argument is that the role of the on-field umpires becomes redundant. Well – not true. If they do a good job decisions won’t even go up. Secondly, the broad ideation behind DRS is to ensure we get more decisions right. If that removes a little bit of power from the Umpire’s quarters. Than really – so be it. Also, really the ICC’s allegiance is to its players and making cricket a better game, not to ensure that umpires have enough work satisfaction.

This could well be the best strategy. As of now, the rules are completely ridiculous – DRS for LBW’s if India is playing, different rules if India isn’t playing , different rules if ‘Pawar’ is asleep. Let’s make the game simpler.

Will the real 3rd umpire please stand up?

Lessons from the highway

sudhirsyal — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 04:33:08 +0000

Every now and then you have to embark on one of those highway drives, where in between listening to music and juggling for toll, you also get a chance to get into deep thought and reflection.

A drive on the Mumbai Pune expressway is almost the perfect location for deep reflection. Atleast, while you’re on the highway.

Last week, I embarked on one of these leisurely drives and as always when you get onto the highway you’re trying to figure out where you really fit. They say, ‘don’t change lanes mid-stream’ but its also important to figure out if you’re on the right lane to begin with. The left lane is for the slow moving traffic, folks who really aren’t in it for the long run. In most cases, they’re also a confused lot not knowing when to get on, when to get off, whether they should be putting the indicator or whether they shouldn’t.

It’s difficult for me to be on this lane, I don’t know when the traffic will hold me up, also there is one really to follow here. Someone, who will guide and mentor me as I handle the perils of the road.

I decide to switch lanes. I move to the middle lane. This line is filled with cars like Santros, Alto’s, Swift’s; in many cases not very different from the kind of cars you see in the left lane.

But, they’re dynamic, competitive and agile, every now and then a car from the middle lane tries to cross on to the fast moving right lane, sometimes even staying there for a substantial period of time.

You find the true character of a car when a faster car comes up behind him.

Some go out of their way to give way, some give way; others hold up traffic on the right lane thinking somehow that a Santro is faster than a Lexus.

The folks who give way, they are the smart ones. They realize that their time hasn’t come, if they’re not going to be overtaken now they will be at some point. The race for them is long, more importantly you need to compete with someone your own size.

They are the other folks who go out of their way to give way, they are the ‘over-eager’ ones. They believe that taking a dangerous turn just to give a faster car way will somehow make them appeal to the faster car. The truth though is that they’re endangering the highway while doing so. They are also subservient to the faster car often going out of its way to please the faster car. It doesn’t really work though, the faster car has seen so many ‘subservient’ ones like it that it hardly appeals to them anymore. If the ‘over-eager’ needs to become more important to the fast one, it needs to if anything help it go faster; simply getting out of the way or offering to help just won’t cut it. In the fast car’s world, he shouldn’t have been in the right lane to begin with.

Finally, they are the ‘pretentious’ cars. The Swift’s which think they are ‘Subarus’, the Esteems which think they are ‘Aston Martins’, the Hyundai’s which think they are ‘Porsches’. These are the toughest to deal with because they seriously believe they are going faster than they really are. Finally, the highway is about relative speed, you going at 120 Kmph means nothing if the Merc to your right is cruising at 160 Kmph.
As the ‘pretentious’ car proceeds down the highway, the faster ones come up behind him. The ‘pretentious’ car doesn’t give way and steps up his pace, soon enough though he is consumed by the faster car so much so that he is forced to switch lanes and is then further slowed down by traffic on the middle lane. More so and more importantly, the faster car makes a mental note of this ‘pretentious’ car knowing fully well that it’s a car it wants to stay away from if it encounters it again on the highway.

Finally, I take a look at what’s happening on the right lane. They are 2 types of cars; the ‘Nouveau’ and the ‘Stately’. BMW’s, Audi’s, Volkswagen’s, Sports Coupes, Convertibles, they all make up the ‘Nouveau’.

They are cool, metrosexual made up by individuals who in many ways have learnt the way of the world. They’re also fast. While they’re great with dealing with the faster traffic coming up behind them, often acknowledging it and giving it undue respect. They aren’t so great though in dealing with slower traffic that comes up ahead of them from the middle lane. In such cases, they often go out of their way to prove a point. Really, if you’re driving a Mercedes Convertible and he’s driving a Maruti Wagon R, do you really need to prove one? A lot of times, they get so caught up in reaching the destination the fastest, that they don’t stop to enjoy the drive.

Next come the Stately, these are the Top End Merc’s, Jaguar’s, Aston Martin’s, Bentley’s and is some cases the same cars as those driven by the ‘Noveau’ lot.

But hey, its not just the car that’s important, its also the state of mind. These folks cruise down the highway, they’ve really already accomplished what they wanted to in life and their key priority now is to make it to their next destination reasonably quick and most importantly safe. In most cases, they aren’t driving their car themselves, most often they’re too busy resting and spending time with their family to get bogged down by petty encounters on the highway. Their drivers echo their sentiment, I’m already ahead of most of you, the intelligent ones on the road already know it and the ones who don’t, well they don’t really matter.

I notice that they simply cruise down the highway and a lot of times are also well placed to over-take a ‘Nouveau’ car up ahead of them. In most cases, they don’t. The battle is inconsequential when the war has already been won.

In life, we meet the personification of these cars everyday. Folks who are too humble for their own good, folks who are smart and agile, folks who are pretentious and have a lack of clarity on what car they’re actually driving and finally accomplished folks, both the nouveau fast-track ones and the stately ones. Often one makes a transition from one car to the other in a 3-5 year time-span, yup the same amount of time one takes to buy a new car.

What many don’t understand that unlike on the highway where the cars and hence the status associated to them are distinct, life itself is far more complicated and dynamic with countless number of parallel lanes. If for instance a salesperson knocks on your door, he’s driving the Ford, you’re driving the Ferrari. Tomorrow you realize he has access to some market intelligence which could be very useful to you; suddenly you’re driving the Ford. The roles are inter-changeable almost instantaneously, therefore regardless of which car you’re driving its always important that you’re fair, just and nice.

Nice guys might finish last, but the not-so-nice, well they remain on the highway.

Across all people I meet and work with, entrepreneurs, associates, colleague, business partners; this is something I subconsciously size up very quickly. What car is he driving and what car does he ‘think’ he’s driving. My approach changes accordingly, finally market forces determine everything and that’s life.

Looking back over the last 4 years or so and all the entrepreneurs I’ve had the privilege of meeting, it’s really entrepreneurs who’ve been most certain of where they stand themselves in a particular situation that succeed. The ones who succeed the fastest are those who clearly understand when they’re driving a moped and when they’re driving a BMW 7 Series with brand new Harman Kardon speakers. They adapt and take advantage of situations with amazing dexterity.

What car am I driving? Hang on a minute. Who are you and what did you want to discuss? 

P.S If you’re a politician and you’re reading this post, it doesn’t apply to you. Regardless of what vehicle you’re actually driving, in the real world you’re driving a Bentley, yup – the Continental GT.

Atleast for now.

P.S.S If you like this post, you might also want to read this post by Alok. If you both know which floor you’re on and which car you’re driving, I guess you will do ok.

The Making of India’s Premier Start-up Event

sudhirsyal — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 12:33:14 +0000

With a month to go before Proto.in, apart from the various concerns regarding the quality of start-ups, the media reach, the event manager, speakers at the event; what really was giving me and the The Knowledge Foundation Team the maximum sleepless nights was the date, the 9th of July. Not only was it clashing with Unpluggd.in another event in the start-up space (there was nothing that could be done since location availability was a challenge for both events), it was also clashing more pressingly with my brother’s engagement. The event was scheduled to end at 6:30 PM, factoring in the 2 hour drive to the city, the event had to be executed with clockwork precision. The stakes were high.

Thankfully, for the most part it did. The venue we had fixed for this year was the Great Lakes Institute of Management, one of South India’s most promising B-Schools and right from the organization of the event to providing feedback to the start-ups till 1 AM the previous night, the students were a big source of support to the event and I wouldn’t be surprised if many of them become successful entrepreneurs themselves. Bootcamp got off to a slow start, but soon enough thanks to a talk on bringing out the ‘wow’ in a product pitch by entrepreneur and lead mentor John Verbic of Trepup.com, everyone was bright awake. This was followed by talks on venture capital, valuations and revenue models by a star studded line-up of mentors. After a session of 1 on 1 mentoring, it was time to make our way to the main audi for a dress rehearsal of the big day. Getting used to your microphone, ensuring that your demo boots right, ensuring that the cameras are capturing the right things, each of these requires thorough planning and the settings are often different for each start-up. From 7 PM to 1 AM, one by one the entrepreneurs came out made their pitches, got feedback from both students and mentors (often harsh), some of them did their pitches twice and some of them chased John and me till we forced them to hit the sack. By 3 AM we were done, the scene was set, the start-ups were well prepared. We slept well.

The big day was upon us, it was 8 AM and we still had to get the final demos from start-ups (most of them were working on it till 3 AM) and the print-outs of the cue-sheet and the videos which were to play-out were still getting downloaded from the cloud. As it often happens, the last 1 hour is often the most productive. Magically, everything came together and by 9:30 AM, we were all set.

After 2 fantastic keynotes by Mohit Bhatnagar of Sequoia Capital and Naveen Tewari of Inmobi, the audience was in its seats for the showcase.

The 350 seater auditorium was at full capacity when Suruchi Wagh of Next Leap Solutions stepped onto stage to deliver her pitch. Given the intense bootcamp the previous day, the hard part was done and the entrepreneurs were at their confident best. With their headset mics, cameras, lights and their pitch being live-streamed on a platform no less than Indiatimes.com, it was their 6 minutes in the sun and boy did they know it. They say there's no business like show business, they also say that glamour isn't important in the start-up world. I strongly disagree, nothing sells like it. When the world's cameras are on you, when the lights are on you, when you know you are bring live-streamed across the internet, when that timer is right in front of you and when there's that buzz in the audience, you're a performer. And that's when the true entrepreneur in you comes out. We all love the attention, let's face it. Lights,Cameras,Action, and we were set.


When Suruchi Wagh of Next Leap took to the stage, you could sense it. The audience held on to her every word.

All demos worked and going against Proto.in tradition, we finished the showcase bang on time. A number of the pitches got applause, some of the questions were inane, some tough but broadly all of them made extremely solid pitches and they all lived up to the occasion. Both John and me were extremely proud of the presenting companies and what we had seen. 
Here are the final 15:

Speaking to Anand Lunia, the CFO of Seed Fund on the by-lines he said, “ All 15 start-ups were extremely impressive with very impressive well rounded entrepreneurs and products. If I were to pick a few, I would say that moneysights.com, Fetise and i2v were the ones that impressed me the most.” Something that also caught the interest of investors and entrepreneurs in the audience was the number of social enterprises that made it to the final 15, this was what struck Rahul Khanna, the Managing Partner of Canaan Partners, “I’ve been attending Proto.in since its beginning and its great to see how the platform has evolved into one today which not only has very impressive products, but also businesses with great potential. Also good to see the interest in the social enterprise space, just shows that entrepreneurs today are looking at making an impact that goes beyond just commercial gain.”
The post-lunch session saw some interesting panels around early stage investing, the new BSE SME Exchange and scaling a product company. There was no doubt though, the showcase in the morning was still the point of discussion. Me and my colleagues at TKF are often asked how we ensure the companies we pick at Proto.in always impress, how the pitches always seem well crafted, how we arrive upon the right formula for the videos and how all these moving parts work together to make for a synchronized production. The truth is, we’ve learnt from our pride and joy, our entrepreneurs. Absolutely everything has gone wrong on stage or outside of it at Proto.in at some point and just like entrepreneurs pick themselves up, we’ve managed to do that too, learn from experts in the space, get down to the most minute details and ensure we pull of a show our entrepreneurs would be proud of. Till next time, yes. Power to the entrepreneurs!
And if you were wondering yes, I did make it to my brother’s engagement on time. If I cut off any of you while on stage, this should explain why we were all in a tearing hurry!
Sudhir Syal
A paraphrased version of this also appeared in the Economic Times here.



Mumbai’s favorite sons
sudhirsyal — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 22:30:19 +0000
My last blog was on taxi drivers in Mumbai and really my adventures here would be incomplete without a little something on the wonderful set of human beings that comprise the brokers in this wonderful city. Love em, hate em, avoid em, but you just can’t do without em.  
So there I was a year and half ago, a starry eyed Chennai bay (Madrasi) entering the big city and my initial plans on finding a house were quite simple, log onto sulekha.com (working for em should have given me an advantage), post an ad, pick the best 4 in one day and I should have 1 house and 3 spare ones. Unfortunately, the problems started there – cause as it turned out the 4 house options I had before me all apparently had the same owner. A blighter named Ethedsham….Here he is


At first I thought he was a heir to the ‘Etisalat’ crown..but soon enough as I found out, he was my introduction to the wonderful community. So, he said, let’s meet outside St.Andrew’s church (The favorite meeting points for all brokers in Mumbai…I still don’t know why)….will show you lots of houses.
Now – there are a few thumb rules you must know of when a broker begins to show you houses:
Rule No.1:  Acha Quality Building actually means that the building is on its way down and has exactly about a year of life left. If you sign a 2 year contract…may god and a spring bed be on your side
Rule No.2:  If he doesn’t say ‘Bada rooms’…it means its actually a ’1 bhk’ converted into 2. If he doesn’t say anything about the toilets – it means there’s only 1..and chances are its Indian style
Rule No.3:  If he says ‘Fully furnished’ – chances are you’re missing a bed. If he says ‘Semi’ – chances are that a bed is all you have.
Rule No.4:  Whatever the location…its actually about 3 kms north of it. Mumbai has a big south fetish… so brokers (Builders and Snoots) refer to Lower Parel as Upper Worli, Mahim as upper Dadar and Mahalaxmi as Peddar Road..if you live in Malabar hill there’s a good chance that they might actually refer to it as North Madagascar.
Rule No.5: This rule however doesn’t apply to Bandra. Bandra is Bandra…and will never ever be referred to as North Mahim. If you were to go by the brokers..you’d think its a combination of America during Woodstock, Oxford street during Christmas and Rio during the Carnival. (Bandra’ites are convinced it is).It demands a 40% premium – why? Your chances of getting lucky in Bandra are 40% brighter. Simple.
Rule No.6:  Whatever price he quotes….just add 20%. The broker’s plan is very simple…his first step is to lure you in. When you meet the landlord face to face…he goes in to get the water…or his chappals whichever is nearer.
Rule No.7: He never discusses brokerage – its below his dignity. You’re supposed to know its ‘one month’. What’s more he will never discuss the fact…that he believes it should be one ‘month’ every year. If his belief is true and is complied with…then this there is no doubt in mind, I’m putting in my papers and becoming a broker tomorrow.
Rule No.8: Brokers always work in packs…just like wolves. There will always be one sellers side broker / shifter. Now these folks are generally flower arrangers outside temples / Pundits and the lot who old women have great affinity for. Their core ability lies in pacifying old women convincing them that the thugs who actually want to become tenants…are infact descendants of Mahatma Gandhi, Jesus Christ or Prophet Mohammed depending on her religious preference.
Rule No.9:  The broker himself has one area of core expertize…and that’s bringing out the recession to the landlord in all its glory. For him – the recession is something which will affect all of us till we die, the effects of Lehman brothers crashing property prices in Matunga…is unmeasurable. Another strategy he’s very good at is not showing the landlord any buyer once he knows someone is interested…one blank week after a half decent offer…automatically increases its value.
Rule No.10:  By and large all landlords are the reticent type who take their titles a little too seriously. For them, anyone but the broker is a rodent, who’s out there to ruin his house. And Yes, no pictures are allowed, no nails, no additional televisions, no noise and keep your bell on? He will paint the walls…salmon pink though is his favorite color. 
It was one such landlord with whom I had my first surreal experience, he picked me up on his bike, showed me the place, we discussed the price and a million other things. Just as he was to drop me back, he added the simple one liner “By the way, no drinking, no music, no friends after 10 PM and no Non-Veg food.” He might as well sell his property and buy something in Northern Tibet.
The next one was with a slightly senile old man – while his wife served us some extremely sweet lemonade, we had our final discussions and he brought out the papers. The lights were dim, there was an eery silence and we brought out our pens. Suddenly, one of us (not a very bright one) decided that now was the apt time to ask the broker whether he wanted commission for the 2nd year again. Then in a jiffy, the pens went up in the air, the lemonades were whisked away, the old man stood up and said something on the lines of “Tum bahut kich pich karney waley log hein.” And that was it. We were back on the street.
Finally, I realized that the easiest way to get the job done is to move from house to house….moving backwards from office. I was thrown out of the first one since it was the RBI quarters, the 2nd ask me to meet a broker, the 3rd looked at me and said there was no way I could afford anything here…finally I was pointed to a broker – Bala was his name – he showed me a place – I met the landlord – dived to touch his feet and the deal was done. Be assured – touching feet works only occasionally. 
And just when I thought I was done with this whole shennanigan, a month or so, the impending change in my maritial status meant it was time to re-visit the ghosts.   After seeing some of the worst houses in Mumbai, me and the missus were finally pointed to one nice one. It was time for the grand discussion – after the customary drinks were served and pleasantaries were engaged, the scene was set. Me, my wife to be – sat on one side. My mother in law to be – the other. Philomena (Yes they always come with strange names) our landlord at the top of the table and the broker and the shifter opposite. It soon became evident that there was a heaven and earth difference between the price we were told and the price that was on offer. Just when we were heading for the door – the broker looked at Philomena and said almost desparately   ” Ap Ek glass paani to pila sakte hein na?” (This is pretty much akin to “Let’s go for a smoke in the corporate world”…or I know things are f$%^& up but lets give it one last chance). Just at that moment…the shifter – Rohidas aka Rohjas scurried behind the landlady to help her with the water. 2 Mins passed and she came back a changed lady. A smile on her face – 2 days later the deal was struck. 
What transpired across the water cooler we will never know. What I do know is that he’s certainly not getting brokerage 2 years in a row!

   


Black & Yellow
sudhirsyal — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:01:05 +0000
If you’ve lived in a big, bad ‘Metropolitan’ and perhaps moreso if you’ve been a tourist, the one element you must certainly have come across is the ‘Taxi’.
New York has it’s

And surely Mumbai must have it’s own

The Bandra here has no meaning…(If it does, I haven’t figured it out yet) 
Yes, the good ole ‘Black and Yellow’, mostly run-down fiats, with each one of them having different upholstery, some having radios and a few…yes a small few having CD systems. For me, the ‘black and yellow’ has been one of the most fascinating elements primarily cause Chennai my previous home-town has no concept of a regular passenger Taxi. Most Mumbaikars (or perhaps I should say South Mumbai types) would find this surprising, almost as surprised as they are when they find out that they are actually 4 states in South India ( And none of them is Madras). The black and yellow for me is central to the image that is Mumbai, consistent, painstaking, functional and most importantly omnipresent.
Dealing with a Mumbai taxi driver though is an art which takes mastering, and it takes into account multiple variables. The most important of these variables no doubt is the time of the day, given the importance of this variable though we will for the time being deem the others irrelevant.
Time Slot 1: 9:30 AM

Yes, around the time of the day most Mumbai taxi goers try hauling that cab down to get to work. About 10 – 15 mins late, but then hey everyone in office is anyway.
Psyche of Taxi Driver
After some in-depth research, bulk of which involved looking over his shoulder from the back seat. I have come to the following conclusions.
Since all the cabs in Mumbai are on sharing basis – day and night. At about 9 AM, the day cabbie has just got hold of the wheels and is hungry for business. You could well get in and say…”Mt.Tutankhamen’ and the cabbie will be on his way. I’ve tried it, he asked me for clarification only after a good 5 mins…Tulsipipe he asked? The cabbie wants to get going and get going he will, now is not the time to get choosy about going to far off places or about a very short journey.
Tip: Folks who for some reason want to head to Mira Road or beyond early in the morning, now is the best time.
Strategy
Put on that Donald Trump face and barge into cab like you own it.
Most Probable Outcome
Taxi Driver outstretches his left hand, industrially twists the meter around and gets going.
Time Slot II: 2 – 4 PM 
It’s that time of the day when you have to head for that client meeting. You’ve sent them a sms saying you might be late…but this is now beyond late.
Psyche of Cabbie:
For the cabbie, this time of the day could mean two things. He’s either had a hectic morning followed by a hectic lunch or he’s had no business in the morning…and well a hectic lunch. Either way, the cabbie is recovering from his lunch, a snooze in his backseat is therefore far more tempting than hurtling through Senapati Bapat Marg.
If the cabbie has had no business in the morning, he might adopt 2 contrasting stances. Stance one : “I’ve had a horrible morning, let me try and make up for it now.”. Stance two: “I’ve had a fucked up morning, it’s just not my day so fuck it. Will have a few drinks and ask my wife to make up for it.” Now, if you meet a cabbie who’s adopted Stance two, you’re in trouble and you might just have to look for another Black & Yellow.
Most probably outcome:

You might have to send them another sms

Strategy:
Here, the Donald Trump strategy might not really work. Cause if you were to walk into the Taxi and sit on the backseat, you might well actually sit on the cabbies face. And that might not be so pleasant, so here it’s best that you first make sure the cabbies awake. After ensuring this, you ensure you’re flagging a cabbie who’s positioned himself to move in the same direction as your destination, if you don’t well the cabbie will give you that disgusted ‘immigrant’ look and go back to sleep. After ensuring this, clearly state where you want to go and open his backseat only after he replies in the affirmative. Not following this strategy might have you holding onto an open door running behind a moving cab.
Once he’s agreed, you could also sweeten the deal by telling him you have exact change.
Time Slot III : 7 – 8 PM
You’re late for that dinner event or late for that date you planned. Either way you want to find a cab quick.

Psyche of Cabbie:
Tough luck son, you might have that hot date but the cabbie couldn’t really give a shit. This forms the part of the day when he has to return the cab back to the depot, his wife is calling him, so are his kids and so is the Night cabbie who’s now desperate for business. He would like to drop you for sure, only provided you’re going exactly where he’s going…and he he’s not too sure of that either.
Most probable outcome:

What usually happens here is one of these two things. You spot the Black and Yellow in the distance, you wave it down, first timidly then a little more fervently. The cabbie well…he completely ignores you and drives right past. You could stand in his path on the road, he’d probably run you over ( Can’t be a 100% on that one, but I’m reasonably confident)
The other thing that happens sometimes is the following…you flag the cabbie down, he stops…but its sort of a reluctant, hesitant, intermittent stop… ..its almost as if he’s stopping just to take off again. You know the sort of look the hot chick gives you when you bump into her in a bar ( You don’t really have a chance but I will just be nice.) He then sort of gives you a window to say something to him and regardless of the destination, the cabbie half-listens and disappears. I once put my face into that window and screamed ‘Tera ghar’, it didn’t make a difference.
Strategy: Walk it

Time Slot IV: 12 AM – 4 AM
You’re returning home after that late night binge or for some odd reason you work in the T.V industry, either way it’s 4 AM and you need to get home. You flag down a cab, actually at 4 AM he flags you down.
Psyche of Cabbie:
For some strange reason he’s given away the more revenue oriented day slot and has opted for the more ‘profit’ oriented night one. But the night one, really isn’t profit oriented unless you…well have a few passengers. As it so happens, you’ve run into a cabbie who’s having a virgin night, you’re his first ride and well… he’s financially constrained to take you for one. What’s in his favour? Well, for one you’re sleepy and tired. For another, they aren’t too many people on the way to help with directions. Most importantly, in all probability you’re not the nerdy type who tracks his location on something called Google Lattitude.
Most probable outcome:
He’s desperate for business. He’s desperate for sleep. So are you. You mumble out your location and he responds in the positive. Or you infer it to be the positive. You knock off to sleep, hope he doesn’t. 5 mins later you wonder if you’re travelling in the right direction, you whip out your cell phone, turn on Google Lattitude (that trusty Maps Application). Log on to find out where you’re heading…..low and behold you’re heading in the WRONG DIRECTION!! Exactly the opposite one!
Strategy: Install Google Lattitude
That’s it folks, with these tips you should be able to handle getting into a cab and reaching you’re destination at most times of the day in the wonderful city of Mumbai. What it doesn’t cover is what you do when you leave your cell phone behind in the cab (yes the one with Google Latitude) I’m afraid we will have to leave that one for another blog.
P.S I asked my last cabbie what a cabbie would do if he found a cell phone in the back of his cab. He replied, “Agar acha aadmi hein, to woh vapas zaroor dega.” ( If he’s a good man, he will return it)
I asked him what he would do, he smiled. 

   


How much did you say?
sudhirsyal — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 18:20:24 +0000
It’s been almost 5 months since I’ve started living alone and one of the things I’ve noticed changing is myself. 
Yes, the Air Conditioner is on only when it absolutely has to be. Deals are stored, restored and saved. I now have a deal from Big Bazaar which offers me a free bag of Sugar every month (From April to December), I don’t know what I will do with all the Sugar but hey it’s free. On my way back from work yesterday, I noticed a deal from a pretty well…less known Pizza Outlet called ‘Smokin Joes’. ’2 Pizzas for Rs.110′ it said… Wow what a deal. I looked for a * which generally defines these offers and there it was. ‘* – Offer valid only between 3 and 6 PM’. That’s not so bad I thought. I looked at my watch, it was 2:15 PM. I went up to him, took out a 100, ordered my Pizzas.  “Here you go, now send it to me after 3″
Yes, you have to look at ways to beat the system. Cause the system itself, can else overpower you. Take the simple case of wanting to have a hair-cut. Yes, in most cities in India, the process of getting a hair-cut involves going to your favorite barber where he asks you what sort of a cut you want. In most cases you just say, “Jo pichle baar kiya aapne”. The toughest decision actually is in choosing what magazine you want to read.  In Mumbai though, it certainly isn’t as simple.
Walk into the Runah Salon for instance, in Central Mumbai’s Lower Parel area. Ask for a hair-cut and pat comes the reply, “You want Junior, Senior or Master haistylist?”. Say what? Was the hair stylist also doubling up as my solicitor? Anyway, I made an enquiry on the rates, ” 250 for Junior, 500 for Senior and 750 for Master”. 
750??? I could buy a wig for that much. Anyway, who was available right now, I asked? “Junior’s busy for the next 1 hour, and Senior for the next half an hour. And Master, well Master’s free for the whole evening. We have 2 Masters. ” I made way to the exit.
Isn’t it ironic that the price of the haircut is directly proportional to the availability of the hairstylist? 
Another aspect that’s extremely interesting is the premium pricing model, old restaurants in the city adopt. So, South Mumbai has it’s share of historic restaurants and bars.Take for instance, the now famous-infamous Cafe Leopold . Cafe Leopold’s business has no doubt gone up ever since the events of 26/11, it’s the default destination for all guests of mine. Especially since, the founder’s have seemingly gone out of their way not to remove the bullets from the pictures or the mirror on the wall. All now a part of a tour morbidly titled ‘The Terror Tour’. 
The pricing though is what gets to me a touch, a Garlic bread with Cheese at Cafe Leopold costs you Rs.150. 150 bucks for a regular Garlic bread with Cheese in a non-Ac bar. That’s almost thrice what you would pay to have the same dish at one of the Pizza parlors.
 Or, let’s take the example of ‘Cafe Britannia’, one of Mumbai’s oldest Parsi restaraunts. ‘There is no greater joy than the joy of eating’, it echoes and perhaps it lives up to it. Very good food, and with the founders of the restaurant serving you themselves, the service is top-notch.  One of the founders, even has a pair of binoculars which he uses to keep an eye on the activities within the restaurant. How much though is the price of the signature dish? Rs.230. Two hundred and thirty bucks, for serving of pulao with some berries…it tastes good and the restaurant owner’s daughter who was also there is really pretty but still 230 is a little over the top. 
Cafe Leopold is jam-packed. The Berry Pulao at Britannia continues to be its best selling dish and though I’m not so sure about the number of customers Runah’s master hair stylist is getting, I’m reasonable confident that Salon itself is doing well. What then is my point?  My point is that underneath the pricing model of these ventures lies a big lesson for all entrepreneurs. If you create a brand and strong enough word of mouth, no one questions the pricing. No one raises a flag about the air-conditioned place down the road serving Pulao at half the price, most folks are a little surprised by the pricing. But they pay, and in most cases they also return. How can they after all tell folks back home that they went all the way to Mumbai and didn’t go to Leopold’s. How can they?
For a single in Mumbai though, 230 bucks for a pulao, 150 for a Garlic bread with Cheese and 750 for a hair-cut is certainly over the top. I rather have my Garlic Bread with Cheese at good ole Smokin Joe’s, for 150 I will also get 2 Pizza’s with the bread. The owner of the restaurant doesn’t use a set of binoculars to check on my order, but the place sure is air-conditioned.

   


Slumdog Humdog
sudhirsyal — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:29:10 +0000
Unless you’ve been test running on Virgin Galactica over the last 2 months, you’ve probably heard of Danny Boyle’s Slumdog Millionaire. Every now and then, a Movie comes around that the entire World takes notice off, what’s surprising in this case is how completely polarized (Except for the British) the audience’s views are on it. 

The West absolutely loves it, whether it’s cause of ‘Danny Boyle’, the fact that it fits an image of India that’s most convenient or whether they are genuinely moved by the story of Jamal, I guess we will never know.  I was watching the BAFTA’S on the BBC the other day and the anchor made no bones hiding her favourite choice, the film they were rooting for and how other contenders such as ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ stood out ‘only’ for their technical brilliance. The film has a big fan following in the U.S as, primarily fuelled by a large NRI population , many of them who left India many years ago. When they catch up with with their American friends, they are probably asked, “So is it really like that?”. And they turn around with a knowing smile, “Yes, every minute detail”. 
In truth, they’ve probably never been inside a slum. 
The story of the movie’s rise though is remarkable. Set only for a DVD release after the film’s original studio backer, Warner Independent shut down, the Movie was picked up by Fox Searchlight as some of the senior execs thought it had a similar feel to the previous year’s ‘Juno’. Infact, if reports are to be believed a week after it’s release the response to the film was still lukewarm, it really picking up steam only after word went around.  
In such cases, the Movie generally stands out on grounds of pure quality.
Why then has the Indian media not taken to the movie well? Why for instance has Arindham Choudhary massacred it in his review.
Let’s collate the criticism. Some of it reads as follows:
1.	How come it only shows the murkiest sides of Mumbai? How come there isn’t a single shot of Marine Drive? 
(The Marine Drive bit is a little funny, if there is a writ about every movie depicting Mumbai necessarily having visuals of Marine Drive than I probably missed it.)
2.	How come any of the Social work around Mumbai hasn’t been displayed?

(I don’t remember any movies about New York’s underbelly showing its drug/violence rehabilitators)   
3.	How come Jamal has a British accent?
Fair point though. But I guess you co-relate his accent only if you’ve seen one of his ‘many’ interviews.
About 2 weeks ago, I had a chance to watch the film. As with any film which the entire World has gone ga-ga about you’re a little overawed even before watching it, this could have 2 possible effects. You pretend to love it regardless or well you pretend to hate it regardless. More so, by then you’ve heard so much about the film that expectation begins to weigh it down. 
Personally, I liked the movie, the first time I saw it on DVD and moreso the second time I saw it in the Theatre. Some superb sequences like the chase sequence depicting Hindu, Muslim violence another great one when Jamal and his mates escape from the beggar Mafiosi. Wonderfully edited, Great Music, a feeling of upliftment as I walked out of the Theatre. What more could I want?
One thing that stood out for me though, is that there is no doubt, no doubt whatsoever that the film has been made tailor-made for the Western audience. Whether, this is because this is a Westerner’s view of India or a conscious choice is a separate debate. It stands out for me though that Jamal had to have worked at a ‘Call Centre’ (more so a call centre which indulged in terrible service), surely India has lawyers, doctors, Investment Bankers, Consultants…but he had to have worked in a Call Center. He had to have worked part-time at the Taj Mahal, his Mom had to have been killed in a Hindu-Muslim riot, there had to have been cricket involved, not to mention an appearance/ reference to the the Big B.(He blogged about it as well, but let’s leave that aside). The funny thing is that if you speak to an American with a cursory knowledge of India, there’s a good chance that he will name at least 3 of these 4 things. It’s like an Indian making a movie on the U.S with an Afro-American fighting a drug-battle, interning at the Statue of Liberty while enjoying his baseball…oh yes he also probably worked nights at McDonalds.
What’s wrong with that? Nothing really. Hell, if an Indian could make such a great movie about the U.S, he might well win as much acclaim. The deeper problem is the relating of the Movie to what ‘Mumbai’ stands for and in some cases what ‘India’ stands for. Isn’t someone allowed to set a plot on a city without actually taking on the responsibility of showcasing it completely? For instance, haven’t there been so many movies which only showcase the drugs and violence of New York?
Why the over-reaction then? I think the problem is deeper, firstly Danny Boyle has compounded this by saying ‘It’s all because of the wonderful city of  Mumbai’ in every media interaction.

 Further, every member of his crew echoes it. 
If it is then about the wonderful city of Mumbai, perhaps yes it should depict it truer and in more totality. Besides the parts of Mumbai he has shown certainly aren’t ‘Wonderful’. More so, most of the things that happen in the film could have happened anywhere in India or the World and needn’t necessarily be related to Mumbai. In fact now looking back the Movie doesn’t really make an attempt to showcase the ‘spirit’ of Mumbai and really the script doesn’t need it to. 
 But perhaps, it’s also a little envy and jealousy directed at a Westerner coming over to our Mumbai, making a movie on it and walking away with the accolades. Yes, he did have an Indian ‘co-director’, a great sound track by A.R Rahman and a strong performace by the cast. I thought the little Jamals in particular were terrific.  Even with all this, there is no doubt though that there will only be one person the Movie will always be related with. 
With a week to go for the Oscars, I would like to make a prediction here that Slumdog’s going to win. Almost certainly, more so it will make quite a sweep. How much of all this will be remembered after the Oscars. We will have to wait and watch…I do hope his acceptance speech doesn’t contain ‘It’s all because of the Wonderful city of Mumbai’. 

   


Home Alone
sudhirsyal — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 23:17:15 +0000
They say ‘Staying Alone’ makes a Man into well… a ‘Man’. In my 24 years of existence, I unfortunately wasn’t bestowed upon that pleasure and the longest I ever stayed away from home was a sum total of ’14 days’. Shame on me, they would say. With me shifting to Mumbai, also came that luxury or well that opportunity of finally finally staying away from Home and thus proving wrong those shame-sayers. Yes, we can or I can actually, I can pay the electricity bills, haggle with the landlord, find a maid, get my clothes ironed, make my bed and still look pleased with myself.
I was ready…unfortunately though no form of accommodation in Mumbai was. So for the first one month, instead of living alone – it was the complete opposite, I stayed with my cousins – a family of 14 with me getting more pampered than I would get at home. Clearly, this wasn’t going to plan.  For those unfamiliar with finding a house in Mumbai, there’s an old adage,”Mumbai mein bhagwan milta hein…par ghar nahi milta hein.” ( You can find the Lord in Mumbai…but you can’t find a House) One Landlord after another rejected my proposal of staying in their premises…the reasons were manifold – Aap bahut bak bak kartey hein  (You talk too much), Badey company mein badey badmaash hotey hein (Big Companies have big rogues) . I rejected a few as well, one cause there was a shootout there the previous week, the other cause the landlord wasn’t well really the owner of the house and the third cause the potential landlord ended with the words,” And one more thing, no alcohol in the house, no friends and no music…also I had the ask the last person here to get out.”
Finally though, I chose a place close to work with the happy landlord Mr.Bhagde. 

The only caveat with Mr.Bhagde was entertaining him whenever he decided to drop by (Once every 2 days), like most Mumbaikars Mr.Bhagde had a view on everything – from Ramalinga Raju to the Recession. 
Let’s listen in…

”Purane zamana mein…ek film roll develop karney key liye…dus log ka kam lagta tha..ab technology key saat..apney aap ho jata hein..kya karengey vo dus log?” (In the good old days, it would take 10 people to develop a film roll…technology has made it redundant…what will those ten folks do?)
Thoda adjust to karna padta hein, the next steps were to do up my 1 room-kitchen (Sshh..In Sobo it’s referred to as a ‘Studio Apartment’) . The previous tenant’s idea of an apartment was one with blue walls, 1 fan, 1 table and a chair…not to mention an Indian style loo with no wash basin. I felt like Obama rebuilding America after the recession, the next 2 weeks were spent re-painting, wiring, plumbing, buying furniture, fixing an AC, a wash basin and shelves.  Amongst other things I learnt:
a)	Everyone from the electrician to your Dhobi’s son will try to rook you.

b)	You will always need more plug points than the house comes with.

c)	They are only 2 days when the maid will come on time, day 1 when you first meet her and day 30 when she gets paid.

d)	That little thing used to collect dust is referred to as the ‘Dust Pan’.

e)	It’s amazing what the contents of little packets, hot water, and a microwave can do.

f)	It’s amazing how bad your stomach can get.
Most importantly, it makes maximum sense to do up your place when you’re Mom is in town. My quest for a maid though wasn’t as easy as a friend’s… all he had to do was ask the neighbour to find him one. She enquired, “So how much are you willing to pay?”, he replied, ”Well about 500 bucks.” She replied, “Sounds good, when do I start?” Mine unfortunately involved a number of referrals until she appeared in front of me. She does take 8 days off a month cause of stomach ache though. 
Funnier is the newspaper dude who refuses to leave the paper outside my door if it’s locked…”What if someone steals it?”, his refrain. So I argue with him,” Well, if you don’t leave it outside, I don’t get it anyway…so how does it make a difference?”. The next day, the door is locked again, there is no paper so I pop across and ask, he’s ready with his answer, “Well I did leave it there, someone must have taken it.” 
But the person who without a doubt makes my day is the Dhobi’s son. After weeks of getting fed up with my maid’s excuses I decided to make Dhobi Jr. double up as a maid. “800 for 4 days, 700 for 3 days, 1000 for 5 days…” every morning would begin with some hectic bargaining and the promise that we will arrive at a final price on the morrow. It’s been 3 weeks now and we’re still working on it. 
The great thing about Khan Bhai though is the salutation he uses to refer to me. Staying alone might be tough, but hey it’s all worth it if you are referred to as ‘Sait ji’ early in the morning. I did ask him to give ‘Sait ji’ a massage and he replied, “Uskey liye aur charge ho go”. We settled at 20 rupees.
Yes…living alone can be a roller coaster ride. Does it make you more of a man? Well, I’m not so convinced… I’m convinced however that you should also get someone who refers to you as ‘Sait Ji’, but try and swing a deal where the massages come free.

   


Mumbai Meri Jaan
sudhirsyal — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 15:49:38 +0000
I must admit it, I was a big skeptic myself. Many a time, I would hear a colleague or a friend say, “You must experience living in Mumbai atleast once.” I would remain indifferent, most of it in my opinion was media hype the city received by virtue of it being the entertainment and commercial capital. 
With the city facing more disasters than most others in the country, it was only natural that the citizens would get more opportunities to help one another.I had an explanation for the so called ‘energy’ of the city too, with the city being shaped vertically, most of the time was spent traveling from North to South and hence Mumbaikars had no option but to be continuously on the move. This didn’t necessarily mean they were any more productive, I argued. 
Ironic as life as is, 2 weeks ago I found myself landing in the Sivaji airport, 3 bags in my hand, my cousins to receive me and no permanent place to dock at. I was landing in the big city and soon the Mumbai Locals became my everyday companion. Soon I realized that on the face of it there seemed to be no mechanism which checked if a passenger has bought a ticket – moreso considering the crazy crowd I doubted if anyone would dare to check. 
So there I was in the Andheri station at about 9 PM in the night, a 2nd class ticket in my hand. . The train was a little delayed for some reason; and soon it seemed as if half of Andheri was in the station all trying to get onto the train at the same point at which I was standing.
The train finally arrived and with it came the usual commotion of ‘Eh-Side’ and ‘Hai Sha’; my eyes now being a little more experienced quickly scanned the compartments, saw the first compartment that didn’t have stripes (Stripes denote first class) and jumped in.  The compartment hardly had any crowd, wasn’t first class; maybe the city was kinder to newbies I thought. 
As I settled in, I heard someone mutter ‘Handicapped’, ‘Handicapped’, it didn’t register; he then muttered it again. God oh mighty, it then dawned upon me, I was in the handicapped compartment;a quick look at the 2nd class compartment outside reminded me of the pile ups during tug of war games back in school, except here the ropes were people’s shirts and body parts. I had to make a quick decision, do I stay back in the handicapped compartment and run the risk of being caught or do I enter the tug of war round and actually become ‘handicapped’? Traveling in Mumbai would become a lot easier then. 
I chose the former. As I waited around full of guilt, a few more dudes also got into the compartment.  We  made eye contact with one another and as I perceived it were visibly pleased with our smart coach selections. This must be the smart Mumbaikars refuge, I thought. About 2 mins later they came up to me and asked,” Bollo…Handicap Kahan hein tera?”. I was caught red-handed and believe me this is the first time I had ever transgressed on the Mumbai locals. He then removed a large rate card and gave me a list of options, like most things in Mumbai you even have a wide choice when it comes to fines. By a process of choice elimination, I chose the Rs.300 fine and then began my plea of blaming it on moving to the big city. My old Chennai visiting card also further strengthened my case and after 15 mins of schmmozing, the official in question kindly returned Rs.200 making it a 100 buck fine. 
I was in awe, this was the first time I had even remotely gone out of line on the Mumbai local. Mumbaikars who I’ve recounted this to tell me  that even with the maddening crowd and all the hustle and bustle, try side-stepping the law once and there is a very good chance you will get caught. My uncle tells me that they know whether a passenger is carrying a ticket or not by simply looking at his face.
Welcome to Mumbai. The only city where you will get both a shaving razor and a nail cutter at 1 AM in the morning; he might even deliver it home. 
A fortnight of living in the big city later; I’ve come up with this list – You know when you are (new) in Mumbai when:
1. Most of your ‘friends’ in the city are also real estate brokers. Most of your other ‘friends’ in the city are potential room-mates.

2. You’ve over shot your first month budget within the first one week.

3. You have lived with atleast 3 sets of friends and family in different parts of the city.

4. Parts of your wardrobe are with each of them.

5. You argue with the auto driver over change and then realize that he was settling it in your favor. A rupee or two you soon realize has no value for him.

6. In the middle of the Mumbai rush hour, you randomly bump into an old school chum who you haven’t seen in a decade.

7. You’ve seen over 10 places to stay in; your budget has been revised upwards an equivalent number of times.

8. Folks back home ask you if you’ve met a bollywood star; you haven’t but 3 of your colleagues are their neighbors.

9. You later realize that anybody who lives in Bandra considers himself a neighbor of a Bollywood star.

10. You have a long discussion about the financial crisis with an absolute stranger on the train; while getting off at his stop, he tells you he just returned from Wall street. The chap sitting next to you now is the local paanwallah. 
Perhaps this list can be added to; one thing however is beyond doubt. Like it or Lump it, Mumbai is Mumbai; a decision to make every minute, a helpful stranger on every road, good cheap food at every corner; excitement, energy and life. Maybe it’s because most in the city have come for a defined purpose and objective, maybe it’s because of it’s long history of being a hub of commerce or maybe because like New York or London;  some cities just have a little more character and aura about them than others. 
No song sums it up better than this one. Listen, learn and enjoy. My Mumbai journey has just begun. 


   


Candid Camera
sudhirsyal — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:48:19 +0000
 

Some things are better left un-said… aren’t they?
 
 
Freedom of the Press?

So what were those new norms on Banking security again…
 
 
Hungry Kya?
 
 
The Joy of Numbers 
 
If it’s one thing we’ve never lacked, it’s a sense of Timing
 
 
 
So which one is it, ‘Buyer beware’ or ‘Seller beware’?
 
My personal favorite would have to be ‘Incredible India – The mantra to woo tourist’. I wonder how a tourist would feel when he sees a bus zipping pass with that message, but err let’s just ignore that for right now.  
Most photos taken on my Nokia N73. Locations from Bangkok to Dilli. And yes all photos taken by me, no Creative Commons linking, no attribution and no law suits. Phew!